Restless

I lie restless at nights thinking about all the possible ways our final goodbyes could of went. But I couldn't even imagine seeing the pain in your eyes. Holding onto your last breath. I bet it was a relief, letting all your discomfort slip away. Im standoffish from the world around me, because your not here. Your beautiful soul taken from the universe. Was it meant to be? I stare off into the dark sky and look for a single sign. Hoping and praying that you watch me searching for you. Knowing that you were and are my everything. The day you passed was the day I die a lot inside. Changed my whole demeanor. Was everything a lie? It wasn't the way you loved me unconditionally or the way you were so patient. It was the way you viewed the world. You saw the bright side of everything, such a optimistic women. I'm thankful that I wasn't there. Because seeing you die wasn't in my plans. I would do anything to be next to you one last time, maybe even a single kiss. Just to seal all that I missed. You always saw something inside of me, that to this day is still a mystery. I constantly look for love the way you loved me. But that couldn't be. The world so cold, that I lie awake at night giving myself to Satan. Because his words sound so promising. I can't hear you, I can't feel you and I can't see you, so what am I suppose to do? I guess I'll give up, and continue to lie restless at nights.