Retreat

Why is it that I only feel safe here,

In hospitals, locked away from all my fears?

Why is this my favorite place to retreat?

Why is it only in places like this that I can feel complete?

Why is this air so pleasant to breathe,

But anywhere else the rig and the pipe are all I need?

So here I sit, in the garden of peace and pain,

Wondering if there's anything in this life worth trying to gain.

So I sit here, in the garden of pain and peace,

Asking the doctors to PLEASE,

Tell me how this suffering can be eased.

Explain why I see life as just a tease.

Or why when I cut, the wounds don't bleed.

Have I gone forever numb?

Is dead inside what I was destined to become?

Can I stay in this hospital forever?

Or is it possible that I can truly get better?

...

I feel so safe here,

In this hospital, locked away from my fears.

Medicated, from even my mind I retreat,

Running from the part of me that feels so incomplete.

Running from the world, the normal air people breathe.

Please doctor, tell me what the fuck I need!

- Jarred Shah

08/15/2020

11:30am