In Retrospect

i forgot your face

i forgot your voice

i forgot your grip 

i forgot you

but i remember 

giddy grins

sunsets shared

elated eyes

park pizza

crushed cheezits

skipped stones 

capricious crossings

beautiful blue bells

sprayed sidewalks

broken bikes

captivating constellations

cedar soaked shoes

abandoned afflictions

genuine joy--

i wonder how it's doing

the now very broken, mossy, tedious-to-carry television 

tossed in rambunctious iowan rivers--

i mean

--

wait

--

i forgot you

remember the liable laughs

i forgot you

remember the sensual sparks

i forgot you

remember the weakening warmth

--

wait

--

remember

#MaybeHeDoesntHitYou

remember

ambiguous affections

remember

cold eyes

remember 

haunting silence

remember?

--

helping hands

tears tittered away

heeding ears

tender takotsubo treatment

ample affectionate arms

no stone left unturned 

--

remember her?

she's there

she's always there

she's never left

she's grown

you've grown

remember her?

she is disguised

maybe it's hard to tell 

i don't want to

she scares me

don't be afraid of her

--

don't fear love

--

wait

--

my cheeks are warm

my ears are red and burn

my eyes sparkle

my hands are never in my pockets,

at my sides,

crossed,

too scared to make others warm, no.

my voice is soft

or overly excited

with no in-between

still warm though,

still warm.

my stability is that of an oak;

im rooted

now knowing what i deserve.

my smile is big

my smile is genuine

my smile brings warmth

my smile encourages love

--

my smile

--

my big big smile