Retrouvailles

dear megan,

if i wanted to write you a letter

to finally say everything

i wanted to say if i ever saw you again

i guess

it would be a long ramble about

those times you said

that i was too stupid to get into college

those times you laughed at me

those times you lied to me

those times you made me think i wasn’t enough

those times i wished you were different

but was somehow able to look past it

i would be leaving things out though

because it wasn’t all bad

right?

remember

when you laughed at my stupid jokes

when i was the person you vented to

when i had a reminder on my phone

to tell you to take your meds

when you texted me from the hospital

and said not to worry

because you didn’t mean to

when you and i cried on your bed

and told each other things that we had never told

anyone before

remember

when you kissed me?

but all i really want to say to you

is that i don’t think of you

too much

anymore

i won’t give you an apology

i won’t give you beautiful words

i won’t give you that poem

all i have for you

is a mouthful of cobwebs

and a goodbye