Revelation

When I was young,

I was never kind to myself.

I would berate myself -

Torture myself.

I was 8,

Making lists

Of all the things wrong with me,

Titled

“Things I Can Fix”

And

“Things I Cannot.”

I would convince myself that I was doing this

To help myself

Because I loved myself.

I only wanted the best for myself.

Right?

I was 13,

Seeing pictures in magazines -

Girls with flat stomachs and toned legs -

And looking at my own body -

Ghostly white and rounded everywhere.

Naturally,

I had to starve myself.

Suddenly,

Everyone loved my body.

They loved me.

I did not love myself.

Now years have gone by

Since those list-making days.

Those years passed from

“I don’t hate myself all the time,” to

“I guess I’m ok,” to

“How dare you speak to me like that?”

Now I know that I am worth

Everything.

I am beauty and

Gold gleaming and

Moonlight.

I am strength and

Flames rising and

Sunshine.

I have become the best friend

To myself.

I am full of kind words and

Gentle comfort.

I expect nothing less from others.

Every relationship is measured

By how they speak to me.

Does he speak to me like

I did when I was 8?

Does she treat me like

I did when I was 13?

Or do they love me like

I love myself now?

I demand honesty and

Kindness and

Forgiveness and

Love

To make up for the

Years that

I was without it.