Rock Bottom

Sometimes I feel like I don't give myself the credit that I deserve,

Because I always get back on track when things get tough, when others would not have the nerve.

Iknow what it's like to fall apart every night and try to put myself back together every morning,

Even after I have the break down that comes so frequently without warning.

I sat there on my floor last night thinking that it would be my last night,

Because I feel like no matter how hard I try I am never good enough and I never do anything right.

I have cuts on my arms because I thought I was going to end it all,

But I forgot that I always pick myself back up after I fall.

I am tired of letting my thoughts and my insecurities hold me back,

Because I need to start focusing more on what I am, rather than the things that I lack.

I feel like I am putting in so much work but am getting no where,

And lately I am feeling like everything is not fair.

Because I am working so hard, and there are people getting what I want but don't work as hard as I do,

But I knew this from the start, and this is something that is not new.

But I need to let that go on focus on me and what I want,

And I need to let go of the past, because lately, that has been continuing to haunt.

Even though I feel like I have made no progress at all, there was a point where I was dying to be where I am now,

And sometimes I really don't know how.

How I kept going when I so badly wanted to throw in the towel and quit,

Because I felt like nobody would ever really give a shit.

But I know better, that I am doing this to better who I am,

And as long as I care about me, I don't care if no one else gives a damn.

I know it is not going to be the perfect upward slope when you are trying to heal,

But I know that the things that I have been through are things that others would not be able to deal.

I am not going to give up, even though my mind really wants me to,

And I know that I can keep going, and that I will be able to power through.

I know it won't be easy, but it will be worth it in the end,

And if I have to do it alone, I will, and I don't need any other friends.

As long as I don't lose me again, then I'm fine,

Because everything that I want is already mine.

I am no longer going to hold myself back when I can change the things that I want to be,

Because I am good enough the way that I am, and I okay with just being me.

I am going to push myself like never before to get better every day,

And I am going all in, becasue there is no other way.