Rosey

I see you when I am alone in my room 

All these shadows are engulfing me 

I walk in school feeling as if I am a costume

I wish I could show the shadows you are 3-d

I walk through fields on my own wearing these rosey cheeks 

I make people think I don’t cry, but really I want to cry but nothing comes up

People say that sometimes you can see the faint of golden streaks 

Back at home it’s yes ma’am and you better cleanup 

At school I get bullied for the lunch that I could feast on for weeks

I get beat up for anything and nothing, my crush comes by and I suddenly clam up

I walk through these golden fields holding a tool of death

I make people think everything is ok, my life has no trouble

The very tool that makes humans bleed has the chance of taking my breath 

Everyday no one knows but I feel as if I am rubble 

Walking through the golden fields playing with the man who creates death 

I feel as if I am everyone’s favorite but no one knows I have a small bubble 

I walk through these golden fields with the one book that gives life 

I struggle with my two options that determine my future

I hope to someday be able to come home to a solid wife

I am afraid with all this guilt I will become an abuser 

I know choosing the book will stretch my shelf life

My hope is to live till old age and die laughing at her silly humor 

I see you when I am alone in my room 

All these shadows are engulfing me 

I walk in school feeling as if I am a costume

I wish I could show the shadows you are 3-d

I sit here staring at an empty wall wishing it would tell me the answer,

On the floor beside me are the two objects that have different outcomes,

In my mind I can hear the faint sounds of my future kids Laughter,

Then my heart beat drowns out their sounds like a million drums,

The wall is now filled with all my accomplishments and awards but does that even matter,

The thought of have kids, oh the joy of having sons,

Going to college to preach, but what will people think of, when they see a pastor,

Young kids hear me preach and they question, why does he speak in tongues,

I sit here staring at the empty wall, wishing it would fall down on me and stop this heart that keeps beating faster,

But it just sits there, 

Finally its painted, there on the wall are displayed my fear, Guns,

The one tool that can take my breath but also fight for others

I am standing here in an empty field looking at an empty hole,

Holding my girlfriend's arm as she wears all black,

Enlistments were open for Hell, looks like it's my turn to enroll,

It's too late to turn around, I can't just leave or drawback,

This year for christmas I would have gotten coal,

My girlfriend disproved my decision with a smack,

The devil has been on his knees pleading for my soul,

If I choose to say yes, The road is difficult to turn back

Please dont look at me, this depression is killing me from the inside out,

Please don't stare at me, this guilt is too much to handle,

My father introduced me to someone I could learn about,

Jesus, the one and only who can take my sins and cancel,

God, the one and only who won't back out,

The Holy Spirit, who lives in a heavenly castle

Black coffin seals the deal for which my choice was 

I can’t take back anything anymore anytime ever

Standing at heaven's gates, I look at God and see a small welcoming applause

I chose life because my life isn’t mine to take whatsoever