Rotten Apple

April 28, 2013

I've been through this game before Slowly watched us being torn This word no longer means a thing to me It's all a lie, as far as I see Unconditional love i've recieved But deeper within was dark and deceit Almost believed you were the apple of my eye Now i'm trying to forget you with a bottle of rye All I can do now is sit and wonder And continously ask myself why o' why Why did you go out and decide To hurt a man's heart, and make him cry?

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Comments (3)

Wicked WesJan 3, 2014

<p>Thank you so much. I'm sorry for the late reply. I have been extremely busy with moving into my new dorm for college. I am glad that you enjoy my poem. Also, thank you for the constructive criticism! I appreciate it!</p>

thisispoetryprojectDec 26, 2013

You want honest? Here goes honest. This is REALLY good! How long have you been writing? When I read, "Almost believed you were the apple of my eye/ Now i'm trying to forget you with a bottle of rye" I felt the pain the character in your poem is experiencing for a moment and that makes all of the different. You have the ability to precisely put your emotions into words. There are a few things I would change such as when you say "Why did you go out...". Taking from the rest of the poem, I think you have the writing capability to say this is a much more descriptive way that continues to evoke the image you have painted throughout the poem. Of course, you'll have to spend a little more than 15 minutes! :P Good poem!

Wicked WesApr 28, 2013

I want your honest opinions on what you think of it. Took me about 15 minutes to write it. Thanks! =D