Running from the struggle

I've grown up in a struggle I've grown up poor I've had times where I have just wanted to jump out of a moving car door just thinking to myself why what's the point I'll just roll up a joint and smoke some weed and close my head in a high until I gave up on not wanting to try and yeah I've made bad decisions that have ended up in a lie just to escape the possible trouble always running from my past think what the fuck how long is this depression gonna last every thing I've had has crashed in and around me constantly moving trying to stop all of the losing, but in all reality I was just leaving because of my problems running as if there a group of goblins, don't know if I'm going to heaven or hell all I feel is as if I'm stuck in a shell in pain and grief and I just wish I could let it all pour out but nobody wants to listen.