Sad

I wish I knew why I felt this way Why the heart hurts and the mind strays Sad songs to match sad moments And why the sun shines after a rainy day Wishes and kisses after blown out candles Birthdays to celebrate the age of truth Balloons that pop like when my temper do Layered cakes like the layers of emotions I try so hard to cover with sweet frosting More like a frosting of smiles I don't know if this is normal Whether the feeling of me feeling sad during the so-called 'happy moments' are right But I know I feel some type of way And its because I'm angry and can't get over it I'm hurt and I cant get over it I'm sensitive and these hard body cover ups can't cover any more of it I'm over lying to myself, now its just a matter of not lying to you Kiss my cross and pray that God wont be angry at the way I lie, even if it's white to shadow this darkness Like a new moon before an eclipse There's something dark here and I ain't talking about me sticking out like the speck of an all white group I'm talking about this feeling of gloom, sadness But nobody's dead here All black on like I'm mourning the morning of me discovering That joy is evident and the birds do chirp outside your window pane And pain doesn't always come from your feelings being smashed like glass Good Girl gone Bad, though I wonder if I was ever good Self-conscious so I switch my talk up so I don't sound "too hood" I hope you can defragment this And understand my riddle, connect to whatever pain I'm trying to illustrate And sympathize with the fact that I'm lonely Lonely for all the things I never had and all the things I couldn't keep