Sadie

by PandaHero

June 26, 2019

My sister from another mister

We come from the same womb

Can't say how many times she's cried

While I've held her in my room

We cry the same shade of blue

Yes, those eyes are mine too

And so is that jacket

But fuck it, have it

Take all my clothes

I'll wear my sister's love and still be swaggin

She looks up to me with copper Iris

Like my soul was a magnet

But baby I've got so many bad habits

I wanted more for you I

Would die a hundred times

To ask God a hundred times

To never put you through what I've been through

I can tell life hasn't been so kind to you either

So call me David let me be your fighter

I get in the ring with my sling

Slay giant problems like Goliath

I'll be your Sky your plane your pilot

Your guide to emerald isles

Fly miles outside our outer space

But lately we've been spaced out

Our brains on the same train to the way out

Lately we've been rain clouds

Thunder, lightning in our voices

Come from pain now

I wanna go back to the inner space

Payless shoes laced up, eating off styrofoam dinner plates

Inner city state

Dollar tree lip gloss with the pretty face

Not the nitty gritty but back in our lack of experience

You with the curly head appearance me with the curious spirit

Fudgesicles, nail polish, singin hairspray lyrics

Dancin on the front porch sister realness

But good times and young blood don't plan for trauma and sickness and mental illness

Our diagnosis like a to-do list with all boxes checked

And even though our depression craves death

Let me hear that you haven't given up yet

Let me hear it with a jump in your step and fire in your breath

Let me hear it in the beat of the monitor attached to your chest

Let me tell you sis that among every sister you are the best

Even when your back aches from the weight of your breasts

Even when you feel like life is a mess

In truth i confess your presence is my treasure

Stacked against the trauma of our past we never measure less

I'm sorry for the times I've been careless with your confidence

For running away on my conscience

For all the yelling and the childish nonsense

For my fight or flight responses

Thanks for being my bridesmaid

When i felt like a widow

For opening the blinds

When i stared out the window

For being that grip on my hand

To hold me down when the wind blows

Next time i'll be nimble

Navigating the land of your memories

Next time i'll keep the conversations simple

Like a warm summer breeze

I'll always be here in your time of need

If you should ever need me

Please stop feeling abandoned when i leave

I'm not like our fathers

I just want to get an education at college

I'm afraid if i don't gain some sort of stability in knowledge

I'll end up like our fathers

But we're better than that

Fuck our dads

We've done more for each other than they ever have

At the end of this life we'll have more than they ever had

We'll have each other, and there's just no replacement for that

I love you sis

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