Safety In a Daydream

I had a nightmare

that i lost you.

But when i woke up

I was in a daydream

of what i though we had.

I held on to what i thought we had,

instead of awakening from my daydream

to the nightmare you turned into.

I was blinded by the light of the screen

that was shining so bright as if to prove

that your words were the only true things i had to believe in:

"Whore. Taurt. Slut. Uptight. Bitch. You're nothing."

My living nightmare was the daydream

of what i thought we had.

You let me relive my childhood by playing games with me.

But these games didn't include Hide and Seek or Chutes and Ladders.

These games were mindgames that taught me how to hate myself.

I was thirteen when you helped me realize

there was only one person I was good enough for.

And if i could just ride my bike for 7.3 miles, I could get to this road with all the bumps and twists and turns.

And there was this one bend in the road that cars go speeding around.

And if i could just jump out as that car whipped around the corner....

I could meet him.