Sagacious Stripling's Diaries

Dear Diary, Seems like the more heart I put into saving our love the less he gets out of it. I know that I have made my mistakes and I know that time heals all wounds, but when will he open his eyes and see that the love I am giving him is real. I am stuck between giving up because I could feel the distance between us grow and choosing to keep pushing and hoping that eventually time would reveal to him my love that I have for him. I find myself crying wondering why I had to make the mistake I made. Upon giving up I also ponder if my life would be worth living with the ceasing of our love. Sometimes I wonder what he sees in me. I want to know if he REALLY wants to be with me. If only he knew how sorry I was and the depth of my sincerity. The "I love you"s and "I love you too"s have stopped and the more I go on without them the more the air flows into my heart and the more I fight to keep what is there from blowing away. The winds seem to pick up more and more each day, with calm evenings. Such short-lived moments. I recall a time of a smile that was so bright because there was a lining of golden lighting, behind it was the color's solid in a heart shaped form. Now I see a smile with a silver lighting and unveiled a tarnishing. And as the pit of my stomach catches the unconditional feelings that I have for him I bawl within myself with my eyes full of hope. Hope that hopes that things will get better with fear behind them entangled in racing thoughts. If only I knew how to take away his pain. If only I knew how to repair the damage. If only praying for a healing was more than just instant for the physical. If only I knew that what happened was going to come and I could have prevented it. With no one to go to I just hold it all in. Waiting....... 5-17-2012