Salvation By Sunscreen

I was born from the womb, just as any man, I came out piping hot, like fresh bread in the pan. The source of my heat gave the doctor a scare, for my head was a ablaze with fiery red hair. My parents took me home with love in their hearts, But something was different right from the start. You see I was different from the kids on the street, for my skin was quite pale, as white as a sheet. They would all laugh and snicker, making fun of the way my skin blistered in the hot summer sun. Despite my best efforts to avoid UV rays, I always got sunburned, somehow, someway. When school began I was the best in my class, and my teachers all loved me cause I didn’t sass. Naturally, all of my classmates were jealous and soon their harassment became overzealous. They glowered and cringed at my shining success for their lack of accomplishment caused them duress. One boy in particular was quicker to start ‘cause we liked the same girl, but I’d won her heart. In response to our love he thought he’d be mean, so he stole my back pack and took my sunscreen! Without it I was naked, scared, and alone, and when I discovered my loss I uttered a moan! You see for us redheads sunscreen is salvation and frequent use saves us great tribulation. But this girl, she was worth it, and at my head she’d stare, she couldn’t resist that blazing red hair. As I grew older, the girls remained fond of my way red hair, now strawberry blond. I wowed them with music, feats of strength, and the arts, and as I passed by my hair melted their hearts. I didn’t, however, forget my true friend, ‘cause my bottle of sunscreen has my back in the end. It covers my face, my arms, and my ears, and puts to rest all of my worst sunburn fears. So no matter the form, whether spray, foam, or cream, Sunscreen and I make a pretty good team, so when I’m at the beach entertaining the ladies, or cruising around in my topless Mercedes, I’ll always be careful, I’ll always be smart, And SPF 300 will cover every body part.