The same thing

Everyday all I hear is when you're leaving or what it would be like to officially leave.. be on your own, and never come back. When you leave all i will see is that emptiness of sorrow that you left inside me in the ninth grade that i will never reveal the reason why i have so many insecurities and why you leaving me is coming back to haunt me. " 2018 graduates will have everything they need to succeed this year. As long as your gpa is high enough, you will get somewhere" somewhere... i think to myself.. if I continue to drag myself out of my wasted brain that wants to have fun and only drug myself every morning taking adhd medicine but still getting nowhere when you say somewhere... i will get to go no where. See for you life has always been an easy path.. you get up, go to school, only to find out that every morning your phone vibrates everyday and why am i not surprised as i turn to look at the phone screen it is the same thing.. "we have looked at your athletic profile and was just thinking that you would be the right fit for our college! Please let me know when we can meet".  College emails sent to him again... i wonder if this will be the end or if i will continue to remind myself that i will never be as good or as great as him.  I dread on the day when he leaves me to go to college and i sit here hearing the same thing from him.. no encouragement, no need for a large amount of words justifying my ability... just him and me and that there is left.  Who is he you may ask.. he is the same person that left my heart in a twisted knot three years ago, the person who told me the same thing when he said that he wouldn't leave for various reasons... the same person who broke my heart and the very first person to make me feel like my success has been scattered into a row of failures because i never could achieve anything anyway.