The Sands Of Self Deception

Like an hourglass my mind started to empty as my heart started to fill
Overwhelmed with emotion
Love, greed, angst, happiness
None of it really mattered if karma took place
It would mean nothing and yet this would mean everything 
Like a city is during a volcanic eruption all would be shaded in hues of gray
The hills would be covered in molten rock as the top sputtered away
Expecting but not hoping
Even after all was said and done people would shy away from what was once such a beautiful town
Fear of a recurrent past
Pain seeping from my pours
Heart rate rising
Shaking hands followed by shorter breaths
Drifting in and out of thought
Long stares into nothingness as the lights flickered behind my eyes
Mind scattered across the floor in moving pictures of scenarios
Delusions
Conscious decisions that I prayed to dilute with a pharmaceutical concoction.
Something, someone to ease the confusion. 
Anything to erase the past, blur the present, and catapult me into the future. 
Giving me the hope my souls been screaming for. 
Easy peace that's not paid for.