Saturated

 I kneel here dripping in shame with my self-respect shamed.

As acidic tears run down my face I remember how long it has been

Since any of my dreams I have chased.

This pain of mine I ignore as if overtime they’ll be erased.

These whispers which have been with me for some time

Telling me, “you know being good is such a bore.”

“Fightin’ the urges is such chore always left with wanting more”

  Got me feelin’ like I have been lyin’ to myself

Acting like I am not being timid, but rather smart.

Got me like no more taking nibbles out of life

Rather take so much I choke

Let all restraints I or anybody else placed on me go up with the smoke.

Always sayin’ to myself, “ I know! Damn!”

It is not smart to take part in this girl

Or blow up this weed

My thoughts running frantically into each in a helpless swirl

Tryna figure when things which were wants became needs.

So emotional yet don’t know what I am feelin’.

My heart and body in fight my heart saying, “No!” my body saying, “Bet!”

Kinda chuckle knowing how appalled some people would be

If only they could see my feelings.

Wanna trip so bad, even though I know imma fall.

All alone cuz peeps afraid to talk about such

I would be better talking to stone.

Like, if they don’t examine internally, the parts of them which are dark

Will just, “POOF!” and be gone. WRONG!

Living as such is debilitating, I should know

If only yall knew that bringing it to light is exhilarating.

Obviously it’s not easy,

Destroying our own personal monsters we had created.

So many reasons why to let it be,

For example, the fact of just hopping on bodies.

Willowing away from smoking trees. Letting such things take over

Removing the oh so familiar cloud of stress which just hovers.

I am not saying these are bad, just trying to stress

 The strength of such things should not be understated.

Gradually taking you deeper into itself

Eventually making it take precedence over everything else.

It becomes the only which takes residence in your heart.

You are totally Saturated.