Saying Goodbye

The heart is such a fragile thing

It’s so easy to break, tear, and shatter

I never even got to hear you sing

But I guess to you that didn’t matter

I’m so hurt I scream at the top of my lungs

Asking God to give you back

Even if I were to speak in tongue’s

He leaves me alone in the pitch black

Every time I was scheduled for work

I’d hope and pray it was with you

I’d always have so much fun

Even if we were only stocking Mountain Dew

The day I found out was the day I died

How could you leave me so dead inside?

I answered the phone at work

The place where we first met

I smiled a honest smirk

And stood in the place I will never forget

What happened to Yancey? Is he okay?

Huh? Did I hear you right?

Ya, I heard it on Facebook today

They said he never returned from camping last night.

Right then and there I busted into tears

Not caring if anyone saw

He just disappears?

There has to be some sort of flaw

Shattered into a million little pieces

I slowly drove home

My sense of stability decreases

My senses seems to roam

My boyfriend slash his best friend

Sent me a text saying “We need to talk.”

I went to reply but instead pressed end

And felt my heart sink like a rock

He drove up in his white car

Sunglasses covering his eyes

But no object could cover the scar

He blew out with his sighs

Is it true what I heard?

The first question I ask

Yes, I know it sounds absurd

The silence seemed to never pass

Screaming and crying

Still in some sort of denial

Someone HAD to be lying

With every breath, I felt clicking like a clock dial

I’ve never had such a sleepless night

Never before in my life

You were stolen from my sight

And our last conversation was a strife

I’m so sorry for not swallowing my pride

I’m so sorry for ignoring you that last day

I want to run and hide

And wake up to a horrible, awful nightmare okay?

Never once did you and I fight

Not once until that last day I saw you

I should’ve known something was not right

This all seems to terrible to be true

When I walked into the wake

I saw your beautiful coffin

But I couldn’t look too long for my sake

I felt my heart soften

The casket had to be closed

Because of the way you had died

I had to keep myself composed

I had to control myself with the way I cried

Memories rushed back into my head

Like how you nicknamed me Sillybear

And how one of your favorite colors was red

And how every time you’d get mad when I would swear

You had hair the length and color of Jesus

That’s what you liked to be called

And when I went speechless

When you joked and said you wanted to be bald

Instead we attempted to die your hair that night

To bleach, platinum blonde

Your hair put up a fight

It’s colors would not correspond

That night we also started talking about life

You told me you attempted this before

Not with a knife

But with something you could ask more for

When you told me that I should’ve known

But instead I played dumb

And acted like you weren’t alone

But I didn’t know this is what would succumb

When they lowered you down to the ground

I could hardly take the pain

Scared of the new emotion I’d found

I’d mask it with the rain

You put that gun to your head

Without thinking about us

Never mind what I had said

You thought you wouldn’t make a fuss

What I wouldn’t do for one more chance to say I love you

Everyone deserves a second chance

As I wish all of this I could undo

Now it’s as if I’m supposed to forget and advance

Your last post on Facebook was “I’m Finally going to fly.”

I hope with all my might that you’re flying now

And I pray with all my might that you’re flying high