scared.

I'm not nervous, I'm scared and worried that it all ends here

I'm scared that all those dreams I've been dreaming are nothing but dreams

Scared that the life I once feared living is now my future reality

Scared that, " Dream BIG " and " You Can Be What You Want To Be " is nothing but a lie

Scared that society and the world has already figured out my future for me 

Scared that I won't get a high ACT score

Scared that I won't get into my safety school, let alone that Ivy League

Scared that I'll be stuck in a city, that I've clearly outgrown 

Scared that I could potentially end up all alone 

Scared that all my hard work won't be seen and will go to waste 

Scared that I won't be able to finish this race

The race to that stage, the race to that podium, the race to that piece of paper that will define me forever

So I'd much rather be nervous

Nervous that my dreams are coming true and I have to figure out what to do

Nervous that the future is what I make it and wondering If I'm making it

Nervous about it all not being a lie and those BIG ASS DREAMS are actually coming true

Nervous about whether or not I've chosen the right major, because the Ivy League I'm attending has so many wonderful and interesting courses

Nervous that I'll be home sick, and miss that city I've outgrown 

Nervous on my wedding day, and on the birth dates of my children, because I'll never be alone

Nervous, because I did finish the race

Nervous because I made it to that stage, to that podium, to that piece of paper

Nervous that my graduation speech will be so stupid and messed up, that everyone will laugh

Nervous that I'll screw up in front of millions of people at graduation

But I would much rather be nervous, because nerves tell me that I'm SCARED because everything is going right and I'm hitting a major break through, that I don't feel ready for, even though I am.

So yeah, fuck being scared

I'm not scared anymore 

But, I am nervous as hell 

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