Scared Most of the Time

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Scared most of the time

Frontin’

Tryin’ to seem courageous

Tick tock goes the clock… keep moving forward

They’re better than me

How can I hide it? Will they see through me?

All my anger and my cold-faced stares

Trying to block out their x-ray vision

Will they see through me?

Will they know that I try to seem special, strong, smart, bold,

They won’t be sold

On the athleticism and the talent

Yes I can sing!

I’m a great singer!

I’m gonna be a singer

What if they don’t believe me?

What if they can’t hear my melodies?

Tick tock goes the clock… keep moving forward

They see through me…

I’m the “middle child”

I’ve bought into the idea

I keep looking back over my shoulder thinking…

My big brother is artistic… do they love him more?

No y’all… I love him more than you do!  I’m closer to him

See… we look alike

My little brother doesn’t know why I boss him around

He doesn’t know

Frontin’

Being in control

Tick tock goes the clock… keep moving forward

If I convince him… I can convince me

I’m in control!

He’s not going to get my piece, my role… I’m the big sister

Will he see through me?

Insecure

What if I fail?

I know what mom would say. “You only fail if you don’t try”

She doesn’t know why I cry… she thinks I can be great, but my gut trembles so hard

I shake

I can’t start

But what if I fail.. If I don’t try, I won’t fail

I see all the others gettin’ ahead,  gettin’ awards

I’m supposed to smile and congratulate

Tick tock goes the clock… keep moving forward

Be confident Lula!

But I feel that rope wrapped around my insides tying me to the gate

Letting me see success and progress in others

Just not in me

Fear

The name of the rope is FEAR

Every time I see what they have… what they get… there’s that

FEAR… NO that ain’t for you

You cain’t get that… you lackin’

You ain’t worthy

YES I AM!

I scream into the void that is my soul

But nobody hears me

Tick tock goes the clock… keep moving forward

I know

I know

I know

If I know then I’m ready… nobody can say I’m stupid or naïve

They’ll all come up to me and ask me… come and be with me

Nothing will shake me up cause “I know”

You’re not as good as me, so that means I’m better than you

If I know before you tell me, I’m better… but

Scared most of the time

Scared

That it’s true… that I won’t be good enough

… reach my dream

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