Free Verse

"scared to stay alive"

November 2, 2025

i can’t beg,
i can’t cry,
i can’t even wish—
and i don’t know why.

my heart’s painted black
from these constant lies;
the “no”s you tell
cut deeper each time.

it’s not that i never tried,
but those faces, those eyes,
made me fall behind.

the sky is dark,
the night is quiet,
and no,
i don’t wanna die—
but i can’t find a point,
and i’m scared
to stay alive.
-xuelie

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▾ This Poem's Voice

Deeply personal, autobiographical struggle with depression and suicidality

Multiple interconnected ideas: paralysis, lies, rejection, existential fear compressed densely

Profoundly negative: despair, blackened heart, suicidal ideation, fear of living

Urgent, restless intensity despite quiet imagery; emotional turbulence drives pacing

Approximately 11 lines; falls in 7-15 range

Heart painted black metaphor; personified night/sky; mostly direct emotion with some ornamentation

Pure lyric internal monologue; introspective first-person voice, no narrative or dramatic shift

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