Scholarships?

When I was younger, the word was foreign

I knew of toys and candyland, monopoly and littlest pet shops 

As I grew older, the word became a faint whisper 

because at that time, my oldest sister was going to college.

Her boyfriend went to Longwood University 

and she went wherever her heart took her. 

Once I got to highschool,  that word was everywhere 

but never where I needed it. 

It flowed in the mouths of the seniors I knew, the mouths of  very few teachers and staff 

But never out of the counselors when we were young 

it never came out of a freshman, sophomore, or even a junior's mouth. 

As a senior in high school now, scholarships are all I think about 

Money, debt, college, and my future 

it all revolves around scholrships because I don't want to end up in debt 

and I don't want my parents to end up that way either. 

So looking back at it, I wish my counselor would have told me to look sooner 

Or my parents or teachers 

I wish I would've had money saved up for my college expenses 

I wish my parents would have let me work sooner, get my license sooner, done everything faster.

I wish my past was slightly altered 

but for now, I have to slowly suffer in silence 

as I stay up at night looking for scholarships and applying for jobs, 

and dream of the money I don't have 

to pay for the future I want to have 

instead of growing up having to settle for less, living paycheck to paycheck.