second chance at life

July 29, 2013

How do you expect me to make it in this world? A world so full of hate, A world so full of lies and betrayal, A world so corrupt it's almost impossible to live? I know not your reasoning for this, but , GOD I ask thee . . . . . Why am I hear!?! Why this time and age? Why haven’t you left me in the dust?!? With all I have done wrong and all my mistakes . . . . . How can some one as pure as thou love me?!? How can some one as heavenly and perfect as thee forgive me? Someone who is as stupid as I and worth as little as I. . . . . How oh GOD, can you love such an idiot as I? Someone who is nothing in the eyes of everyone else!?! I stand here on the edge of this bridge, . . . . . Ready to jump. I am waiting for your answer, however. . . . . My mistakes and trials run through my mind and the more time passes by, the more tempting it is to jump. I have waited long enough! . . . . . My thoughts finally take me over and I jump! ,but, . . . . . Time stops as my body leaves the edge of this bridge. I open my eyes to see my life flashing before them. I see the lives I changed, the people I saved, the people I loved. I feel all thy love at once and how wonderful it is. Then I see what could have been and what I was capable of, . . . . . I see my potential. I see my world. I see my friends and family as if from an angels point of view. Finally I see the light of the world and the good times of the past. As a tier drop hit’s the road eighty feet below, a flash hits my eyes and when I reopen them, . . . . . I open them to you standing before me. You hug me, put your hand on my shoulder and say all is well and tell me everything is going to be alright . Then you snap your fingers and it all rewinds. I’m standing once again on this bridge ready to jump and I have received your answer . . .. . I am unique and powerful. I am me. I step down with a feeling of great worth and continue my life as if it were a miracle, but, the truth is . . . . . We are a miracle and if everyone saw what I saw that beautiful day the world would be perfect and pure. I may never know why you gave me this second chance and this message, but i'll never ask why because all I have to say is . . . . . Thank you for everything! This is my second chance at life and I will use it wisely to say . . . . . All you girls are beautiful! All you guys are amazing! I will use it to say . . . . . We are great and worth so much to each other, Yes we are all miracles . . . We are ourselves.

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Comments (1)

thisispoetryprojectAug 17, 2013

Hey BDA, firstly I'd like to commend your courage because one must have a good amount of it in order to write what we feel and then publish our feelings for others to read. The idea you have portrayed in this poem is beautiful: Someone who is lost, ready to jump off the bridge and away from God-- hopeless-- but God won't allow that. God pulls this individual back into His holy arms and begins to soothe, to relieve, this worrisome human. God saves all those who truly want to be saved and loves those who allow his love into their lives. Spectacular! Stories, and I often say this, are a great way to capture the essence of the human spirit. They have been told for thousands of years and I have strong faith they're not leaving anytime soon. What you have written is an amazing story! However, your poem is devoid of flow and color. If you were to choose your words more carefully, your poetry will be taken to the next level. Salespeople call this painting a picture for the client (in your case audience) and use these words to capture their client's attention; to allow the client to FEEL as if they already have their product and what a great feeling that is! Writing poetry using words that enthrall the imagination isn't easy, but it is a much more pleasant and convincing read. Here's an example: Your words: "I step down with a feeling of great worth and continue my life as if it were a miracle," With color: "Stepping down from the arctic-like edge, the moment my bare feet experience the frost-biting coldness of life's obstacles hiding in this floor, I am surrounded by God's warmth and this snow is no more," Both allow for the reader to understand that God has chosen Life over death for you. Both say that your life is much more worthy after this experience and that you life has become a miracle. I challenge you to rewrite this poem using as many metaphors as you can possibly work in! Let loose the gardens in your imagination! Thank you for reaching out BDA! :)