From Secret to Silent

There is nothing that I can do to change the past, but you cant forgive me for it. I’m tired. Tired of being reminded that I fucked up because I know throughout my heart and my mind and my body that it hurts you and constantly i have said sorry but you never seem to hear me. I have tried so hard to not let your words and actions hurt me and i have tried so hard to keep them forgotten and only a spec in a void of a dream. I made love to her and i remember it every day of my life, but that is only evidence to my belief in “soul mateS.” I forgive you for every wrong doing you have committed and every wrong doing you will end up committing. But you can’t forgive me for spreading love in the way i know how.I get that it hurts. I know. You dont think before you act or speak and i have to be extremely patient for you so that this relationship does actually stay together, so that i do actually come back to you, because without that patience for your mistakes i would have been long gone, but it seems to me that i am taken for granted and that my mistakes are rubbed in my face by both you and me. I would make love to her again. i dont see a reason not to. i love her, i love you. thats the way it is. i cant promise that i wont see her again because she does always come into my work and always needs stuff from my department, id probably hang out with her if i ever got the chance just to be able to talk and catch up. you dont know how i could fall in love with someone in a month but it took you three or four times of us spending hours outside of school together. So in comparison it’s immensely different between you and her. I believe its possible and i made it. Im sorry that youll get upset over what i have said and what i am saying.