Self Esteem

My feelings are surfacing and rejecting at the same time 

A mental death 

I’m at the edge 

I’m fighting the urge to run away 

I want to get out of this town , this house,this body.

This disgusting body 

That belongs to this disgusting human being .

Who am I?

Everyday I try to figure that out 

More and more 

I struggle with seeing the sunshine in myself 

I fail to see the beauty within my vessel 

I eat myself up 

Chew

Then spit my self out .

But I no longer can afford to hate myself 

Hating myself became a burden on my psyche 

Today I wake up 

I smile on the mirror when I see myself 

I don’t cry anymore 

I am happy to finally realize my worth 

I am happy to dig my self esteem out of the dirt 

“I am worthy “

I repeat like a record player reciting a prayer 

I am worthy now.