hey, eighteen is a weird transitional phase
youre naive to think you know what you want but too young to realize you dont know anything.
youre going to travel halfway across the country
expecting to escape your general boredrom and malaise
but you cant run away from yourself.
youll chase after the first person that fills the emptiness
bending over backwards to keep them around.
its scary to think of doing it all on your own
but between us
hes no good for you anyway.
when youre nineteen and all you care about is your weight
i can promise that this is just a catalyst
to long days of punching yourself in the stomach
paranoia that your purging will be heard by your roommate
and many nights filled with self hatred.
its easy to fill the internal void with something as rewarding
as feeling your entire physical presence shrivel away.
but when youre crying about the chocolates you got for your birthday that you cant eat
dont you think that its bordering
and when youre twenty years old you will start out the year
drinking with your mother on your birthday on the kitchen floor.
it will feel like youve finally formed a real connection with her
until the alcohol dissolves and the happiness disappears
and you realize youve got to get out of here.
you will spend too long finally getting your sh*t together
but at least youre starting to feel alive.
after living so long without feeling like youve got a future
you panic if you dont take a moment to appreciate good weather.
the sun doesnt shine everyday now, does it?