Self-harm

As i put the blade to my skin 

Screaming inside

But no one there to scream to

As i keep the lighter there on my thigh

Feeling the burn

When will i ever learn

That this is only a release for a few minutes

One more time turning into everyday 

It's an addiction but i don’t know how to stop

And everytime i ask for help everyone says it’s for attention

My mom says i can tell her about something like this

But how do you explain to your mother 

That you’ve been putting cuts on ur wrist 

And burns on your thigh

I don’t wanna tell her cause i don’t wanna see her cry

Everyone says that a mom knows everything

But what if there’s things that they don’t know about but they should

But how do you tell someone who’s raised you your whole life

That you’ve been crying to yourself at 2am

Begging to stop

Looking at the blade still saying one more time

Knowing it’ll never be true

I toss and i turn every night begging

That i’ll find the courage to ask for help

But sometimes the cries are louder than the screams

And when it comes down to it

You don’t tell that one person that every night you see and cry streams

Some people only cut to see how much blood will come out

But at this point every night 

It's a whole new theme

Sometimes there’s a lot but sometimes there’s a little

But the sting will still be the same

As your crying in the shower

Your wrists begging that you would stop

I mean you know how to 

But you’ve been through a lot

So sometimes it’s hard to stop

With everything you’ve been through 

You need to scream and feel that release 

And sometimes burning is the only way

You don’t wanna be doing this your whole life

But not knowing how to ask for help

Makes the dream that one day you’ll be clean

Fade away into a nightmare 

Now when you try to stop 

It feels like the walls are closing in

That's what an addiction is

You don’t know how it got this bad

It was just one sting that turned into everyday pain

Just one lighter turning into the thought of how do i tell her

The her being your mother or friend 

Maybe even girlfriend

 But even if its someone close 

You still don’t what to say

As ur bleeding and hurting all day

I know if someone found out

I would be into immediate panic

I wouldn’t know what to say and i would need them to can it

Some people just don’t know what it feels to be in a constant state of panic and overthinking

Scared that someone would find out

Scared of what they would say

Some people when they find out would just stare and wonder why you did that to yourself

It’s naive of how some people would think we do it for attention

Even being bullied for it

Not knowing that self-harm is a dimension

That some people can't get out of

I cry and i cry

With a blade to my skin

Pressing down and dragging it across

Hoping now i’ll stop feeling lost

When i put the lighter to my thigh 

Eyes feeling with tears 

But i keep the lighter there on my thigh

Feeling the pain but my brain says keep it there

Knowing this is the only way i’ll be happy

I’m not sure what i gain by doing this

I wish it was release

But self-harm is not the best way to get peace