self-pity

i listen to ghostin by ariana and cry

i feel her pain when she confesses

“he just comes to visit me when i’m dreaming every now and then”

i cry because he is the one i’ve lost

he’s the one who made himself at home

and has imprinted himself in my brain

and he just won’t leave me the fuck alone

he just comes to visit me when i’m dreaming every now and then

he has made me a weaker form of myself

cause now i’m a girl who stutters every time she talks about him

a girl who chokes up at the very damn thought of him

a girl who can’t look in her closet because his red sweatshirt

that’s been haunting her for months makes her think of him

a girl who thinks she’s losing her fuckin mind because of him

he just comes to visit me when i’m dreaming every now and then

he has made me a stronger form of myself

cause i’ve realized that i am a woman

who has grown and is learning to take heartbreak like a pro

and even though i still stay up at night crying

at the very thought of him enjoying his fuckin life without me

at the very thought of him not missing me while i wallow

in what seems to be self-pity

i’ll try not to let him get to me

and even though this is the shittiest time i’ve ever seen

i know i’ll see brighter days and a happier future ahead

he just comes to visit me when i’m dreaming every now and then