Self-Sabotage

I used to believe that I was just unlucky,

That someday I would eventually have something great,

But finally, I’ve accepted the truth and its sucky,

My ability to self-sabotage is too great for good things sent my way.

 I know what you're thinking because I thought it before you,

"Just don’t do that anymore." easier said than it could ever be done,

My problem, so simple, yet not is, I don't f*****g know how too,

Uncertainty becomes a breeding ground for doubt and it’s quickly overrun.

I find myself stuck in this loop of always being on the defense,

I manifest the worst outcome for situations before they even play out,

In turn, triggering an unfortunate and unnecessary series of events,

Which end up eventually proving my “point”, and justifying every doubt.

 "Knowing it's a problem is half of the battle" right?

Wrong, because “knowing” has only ever added to my confusion,

"Am I self-sabotaging again or am I actually just RIGHT this time?"

Leaving me to search for shreds of reality, as I nearly drown in seas of delusion.