selling my soul 4 college dollars

apparently, there is a connection

connotation between kings and gods and what have thee

to take the crown and be blessed royalty

but as a kid growing up with immigrant parents

things weren't that apparent.

see, i am not a girl. not a woman, quite.

is there not a placeholder between queen and princess?

for i have seen the middle,

too old to whine,

too young to rest,

too small, too little

in the chest.

all my life i've had others dictate who i was to be,

destined to grow up to be suburban monarchy,

to be kind and graceful and bear the fruit

of men

but only when i'm old enough to do it.

however, no king or god or man hath seen

the wrath of a woman unable to fulfill the yearn

not of child or matrimony

but of career and job opportunity.

so, here i am. seventeen.

applying for colleges for the fall semester of 2016,

confused and asking for scholarly money in stanza

but all that i can hear is a repeated mantra

"student debt? they'll give you money for being a minority

or being a girl, as if your life could go more horribly!"

sometimes i don't know whether it's worth it.

they literally throw money at you for not being perfect.