Senior Year Frustration

What my school year consists of:
A quiet atmosphere with bursts of blues, purples, yellows and red

creating a galaxy like no other. 
Those times I cherish, but

can’t seem to drift away or part with the black hole that pops up there and here.
Yes, it brings me deeper into despair. 
Wandering minds of mine
I once minded.
Now I look back to see this black hole that enraptured me.
Where are my friends? Who are they? Was it all in my head?
The feeling you get once you hear your name connected like strings to “best friend,”

but immediately snaps once they do otherwise.
I can’t call you my best friend if I don’t feel you are,
I can’t accept you as my best friend if you see yourself a far
from it.
This only leaves an embarrassed sheet of a wet the bed incident.
A mistake not meant to be one, 
when u work just as hard as another being, though placed behind the curtains, as a benchwarmer
portent to be forgotten. 
You don’t stick out, like a black mole surrounded by smooth baby skin.
Instead, you are just as smooth and radiant but contain a sensation that requires an itch, no rash in sight or redness.
It’s only that feeling,
it gets worse when those around that are below you in age, still

see themselves so much more superior than you.
Your too empathetic to have your voice slap them in the face, 
how else will I get my point across?
I have a small face the size of fist I never really noticed it until it came to my race
My melanin darker than others once again does nothing I fear.
My treatment will be the same I hope regardless if it’s there.
Photos show exactly what I am in the environments that present themselves, 
a shadow or a spotlight.
What’s the point of me dragging this limp body around

that pokes me in an eye for tears to surface,
or playfully places hot coal on my neck and faces.
Better yet that whispers "Who are your real friends?" allowing thoughts to get to work in the brain, tripping, disposing, absorbing ideas called doubt.
I think it’s time I say what my senior year was about and it’s not making friends, learning my educational needs, 
It’s finding myself in situations I feel unappreciative and down that I applaud myself for still carrying on.