Sepia

I didn’t used to understand

why adults look at the world like a

black hole,

downward spiral,

dying coal

they saw insects where I saw dazzling rainbows

they saw cavities in candy,

but growth in spinach

they saw birds like disease

I saw freedom in feathers and as their love songs ring

I thought of flight

flight to a fairytale future

pink tutu with pink in the sunset and pink lipstick kisses into pixiedust

when you wish upon a star your dreams come true

my dreams stretched from fingertip to fingertip as far as I could reach

adults strapped down adventure with helmets and seatbelts

they turned playtime into bathtime into bedtime

then

bubble bath beards turned to burning eyes

Suds a whirlpooling black hole drawing me to drown

And falling... Asleep

sleep’s sweet dreams trampled by stampeding black nightmares

tangled manes crowd my throat

mangled fear and suffocation and

AWAKE

when the scream of the alarm clock sends you jolting upright

back board straight

but blinking eyes droop into water bed bags

carry burdens of wakefulness like the titanic

hope, kneel, pray to float

world waiting for you to sink

odds stacked against you like dominoes

poised in black and white morality

right blanks and wrong circles

we walk a fine line

but when it starts to blur

you come with a paint can of grey and tip,

tilt to splash indifference on contrasts

and the line of black and white clicks unending,

tick tick tick

Blur

old man flipping to the sports section

zebra chased by a lion

tick

unstoppable

no control

skydiving no parachute

rollercoaster no rail

even gravity threatens

what saves your life can end it

same world

same life

more years

each scrooge in suspenders yelling at loudmouth kids playing hopscotch to “KEEP IT DOWN” used to hula hoop with the best of them and travel to the moon in a cardboard box

an unmistakable transformation takes place

you grow up and you just have to change

to do things you don’t want to do

you never wanted to do

but you have to

by yourself

and your decisions can change your life and the lives of those around you

but the good old days

when you’re young everything makes sense as long as mama, a cape and ice cream are in

reach

hardship isn’t something we teach

it’s broken hearts, bones and promises

people we love tend to break us

people who love mend to save us

we bend with both burdens and gravity

it’s still the same world of our childhood

but seen through bloodstained eyes

an unmistakable transformation

we learn we don't know