Seventeen

17, I thought it’d be a year of new things and change
But the past few months everything’s been the same
My mom and I still consistently fight
I still have my morbid thoughts and cry through some nights
I still think of Mr. Hernandez everyday
Thinking to myself “If I were able to meet him, what would I say?”
Would I be happy, would I ask why?
Tell him he’s nothing while for the first time I look him in the eye?
What would I do?
I’m glad it’s just a big what if b/c I have no clue

I still have the same best friend
The friend that I love more than anyone could comprehend
Sometimes she’s the only reason I get out of the bed
Other times she’s the cause for the pain in my head
But I couldn’t imagine her not being in my life
If we were to ever end things completely I’d feel only strife
Without her I wouldn’t be the person I am
Together we make the perfect “TEE-AM” *

My love for Krysta and Target has yet to change
People continue to find my choice of words strange
I still suck at making decisions, I’ve never been good at them
I take hours to choose between skittles and m&ms
My problem is I can never choose one
Like my mom’s trust or temporary fun
I didn’t choose wisely so I’m wishing for a re-run
Unfortunately for me, that’s not how things are done
I guess I have to just learn and keep going
I’m an adolescent that’s still growing

I’m still not at all resilient
If I gained that characteristic right now, that’d be brilliant
Cardi said get knocked down nine times, get up diez
I get knocked down nine times, and lye there with dirt in my face
When it comes to disappoint, I don’t cope well
Will I ever get it together? Only time will tell

Not everything’s the same
For instance I have a lot more homework and my life’s a little less lame
Everyday I go to AP Chemistry in vain
53 minutes of not knowing what I’m doing drives me insane
Thermodynamically favorable, pH, ring of hydration
My friend beside me asking, “What’s a titration?”
It’s no longer just Kasi and Alex
Three others have joined team Kalex
We have a moody friend, and another that knows how to use his brain
There’s the third one that solely complains
We talk, we laugh, we make plans for the weekend in class
Then we wonder why bio and pre-calc is so hard to pass
We also question how the year goes by so fast
Time goes by quick when you don’t sleep and are having a blast

I am no longer a person of the morning
Now at 10 a.m. I’m still in bed snoring
I used to hate the night
I would be filled with terror and fright
Now I love it
A time where I can just be and sit
The whole world asleep and it’s just me
For a short period of time I feel free

Maybe 18 will be different
Maybe my fights with my mom will be nonexistent
Maybe I’ll smile more and think of the man I’ll never see less
Maybe dances and parties won’t be the only time I wear a dress
Hopefully I’ll learn to make better choices
Learn to listen to the right voices
I do hope to keep my four closest friends
And if any of us fight we quickly make amends
I hope I get one step closer to my goal of moving out of state
I hope I’ll thrive again like I did in 2008
Maybe 18 will be good vibes and nights at the shore
Maybe 18 will be all that and more