Shadows and Memories

Sometimes I catch myself rocking. Back and forth, back and forth. Trying to calm the storm inside, Trying to stop my racing heart And my quick, shallow breathing. I can’t. It’s always there, like a shadow Or an old memory that won't fade, Following me wherever I go. My mother’s wings squeeze a little too tight, Around a nest I want to leave— A little too early, maybe. Fourteen years of life, But they feel like fifty. As I get older and the time crawls by, I feel myself slipping, Slowly becoming absent from my own body. Nothing helps anymore. I feel numb. Lonely. Scared. I only have four years left to wait. Hopefully, I don’t slip any further. I pray that God has different plans for me. Special plans. A happy, Fulfilling life ahead.