Dear Shaina Marie,

Ever since you’ve been gone, the world has been so lonely for me. It’s crazy, I know, because I never made the time to see you when you were here. I was always too busy, with school and other pointless things, to give your phone a simple ring. And now that I know that you’re not on the other side of that line, I don’t understand how I lived my life so blind. I knew you were sick, but I didn’t think it was that bad, but if I had disengaged for one second from my selfish crying, I would have noticed that you were dying. However, you really did trick us all with that beautiful smile that hid your fall. When your hair disappeared, I didn’t shed a tear because I knew you would be okay. When they said it was Stage 4, I didn’t run for the door because I knew you would be okay. But finally when my mom called and said you took your last breathe at home, I finally understood that I had been so so wrong. You were the strong one, who also knew how to have fun. You were the brightest person I will ever have the pleasure of meeting, ugh Shaina, why didn’t I notice your little light was fleeting? Its funny because people always compared me to you because we were the “smart” ones in the family. Honestly, I can’t say we are the same anymore, because roles reversed, you would have been there for me in the way that I wasn’t for you. It kills me that you died alone, when you had so many people who loved you like their own. But I know you aren’t in any pain anymore, so you go on and enjoy your new home. I’ll hold it down while you’re gone, and do two times the things that your short life hadn’t allowed. I started reading again, remember that was our thing? I totally forgot, but never again. I’ll have some good suggestions for you by the time we meet up, so you go get started on those heavenly books, I'll try to catch up.

I’m sorry we missed out on the time we could have together, but the time we did have will now feel like my forever. Remember that time we went swimming at 4 am and I swore I’d never see the world that pretty again? At the time I thought it was because of the way the moonlight was hitting the water, but now I realize it was because that’s the immortal memory that I have of you, that will play on repeat until someone fixes this broken beat. So until the time comes when your smile greets me again, I can only ask one thing: please don’t forget me, Shaina Marie.

Love,

Your Little Cousin