Shatter

The world often looks big when you’re young

And as you age it gets a little darker, a little harder, and a little more real.

For me it’s seen with open eyes filled with ambition and dreams

And you know what hurt yesterday can carry on for today and what hurts today can carry on till tomorrow,

So how am I supposed to set dates for times I had dance recitals,

Went to a party,

Had my first penny from the tooth fairy

To my children

When only one stands out clearer than others - as if it's the only memory that will be plastered on my forehead -

Shouting, “Watch out!”

Shouting, “Beware!”

Shouting, “It has problems!”

Shouting, “I - NEED - HELP!”

The only memories I can recollect is when I was nine excited to show her my clothes for the holiday,

Then an iron fist goes through me taking out my innocence and calling it ugly.

The only memories I'll remember are the ones that hurt

Not the ones that made me happy,

Not the ones that made me feel free and crazy and excited or invincible

Why can't I remember the time I was eight and the yellow balloon was being bounced up from wild kids hungered with enthusiasm to catch it and win the game?

Why can't I remember when time froze as if in a slow motion shot,

Taking all the force in my bony body to jump up and catch it, running as fast as a lion?

I suppose it seemed then to place it in the bin to win.

Why can't I remember how having my Lion King stuffed Simba toy with me made me feel love

Even though hate was surrounding me from head to toe,

Made me feel tears being wiped off with its white paws,

But mostly made me feel how fighting for what's right is not wrong,

That although it might hurt it's not wrong?

Moments like these can't be taken out in five years from now,

Ten years from now,

Fifteen years from now,

Moments like these live with you every day, whether it be hanging on a cliff with two fingers;

The first finger holding on, slipping apart; the second finger holding on for dear life,

For you know there might be an eraser,

Or whether it be happy and overjoyed with innocence that has not been ripped apart yet for innocence that will take an eternity to take back if lost.

Instead of dwelling in the past, how about you try to utter the word

LIVE

Because once you know how precious you are in the world,

Like a rare ornament on a Christmas tree,

Like a limited time offer,

Like innocence that's not forgotten as you age,

When you realize your worth you don't need to erase the past

Instead start over today with your head held high and your dreams lighting up the way;

Because what once hurt you or made you feel special shatter,

Trying to fix it like when you try to figure out a jigsaw puzzle’s missing piece

It will hurt you for dear life:

Never found,

And finished.