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Shattered Dreams


I was five

When my world first shattered

My father told me I was different

That was all that mattered

 

Not every kid lived with his Ma and Pa

While dad dropped in twice a year

Dad introduced me to the woman

And said I had nothing to fear

 

With innocence and surprise

I told him I already had a Ma

That’s not your Mother!

Just your Aunt and Uncle from Arkansas.

 

At age four

I was rescued by my Aunt

She said my mother and father

Were sexual deviants

 

Every few years I was passed

To another family religious zealot

At an early age

I started hating god for making me different

 

God the omnipotent

Was responsible for everything

My rebellion was seen

As a spawn of Satan’s underlying

 

“After all” they shouted

Some were born to be devils and demons

My inner-turmoil was seen

As a child of Satan’s semen

 

I began to openly disbelieve and curse God

As my elders who claimed to talk to him lied

I wondered why God would tell them bad things about me

As silently I cried

 

Ma and Pa had a big argument

I could hear it was about me

She didn’t want to let me go

As Pa yelled, “remove your glasses so they can’t see!”

 

He chased her into my room

And started hitting her in the head

I started shaking

And hid under the bed

 

Hours later they found me

And the bastardly deal was done

I would go live with Dad

And pretend to be his son

 

Authors Note:

An experience relived through the author’s five year old eyes and memory.

 

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If you or someone you know is struggling, you are not alone.

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline — call or text 988, 24/7. Crisis Text Line — text HELLO to 741741.

Robert Williford

Honorably discharged disabled veteran from Arkansas. Did a 12 month tour in Europe and a 6 week deployment to Northwest Africa. I speak a little German and a lot of Spanish. Many Vets lose their way/purpose in life. Your new mission in life, the most important you will ever have, is to become a better father, husband, son and neighbor. It doesn't make you weak to become a better human being. You don't have to be one of the military statistics who either commit suicide or end up in prison.

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