She is a beautiful mess

 

She is a beautiful mess

She was so pretty so pure so innocent until she decided to test those waters. She decided to really question those values questions those mother daughter convos question those tears she saw her mother cry. The old saying says be careful what u wish for bc u don't know what u are gonna get. Her first experience went exactly how momma said it would. He said all the things that sound good to a girl who has never heard a man say sweet things to her. She had her godfather who always called her the prettiest girl in Rialto. She would just laugh but then she has this slick talking cute guy talkin to her. She didn't know at te time but her self esteem was so low even the ant homes were higher than her esteem. He got in her ear gave her the first real kiss and that's when it started. Scared as hell she embarked on a journey that she could never return from or so she thought. He put her through everything under the sun. He was so in her head that everything of importance went right out the window including her relationship with god her family her friends and most of all herself. She did anything he asked to make him happy. She knew he lied she knew he cheated she knew he didn't really love her but her desire to have this man became an obsession. Whatever he wanted he got! He wanted more time she quit her job and slacked off in school. He wanted money bikes music equipment phones clothes pictures jewelry hats shoes speakers whatever it was no matter the cost he got it! He was the first person even to get in her head and break her spirits. To break her so far down that she had no idea how to get back up. He dogged her out. He constantly pumped his venom in her not only through his man organ but through his words his hand his attitude his mind his control. Anyway he could he tried to break Her and e actually succeeded. She was so damaged at the end of this that the only thing that made it better was to get up tighten up her boot straps and find another one. Another piece of crap. He was a smigit better but not by much. He had a way of suckering her back in with his selfish ass. Idk if he really ever loved her. But she stayed with him the longest. He taught her a whollllleee new form of drama. The baby momma kind of drama. Ooohhhweeee she was called every derogatory name under the book from bitch to dirty sluts and whores. She had no idea she was even coming in between anything bc he said he was single. This is when she thought she learned not to trust what a guy says pssshhhhhh. She dated several others but none seemed to work out. She was continuously lied to cheated on mistreated verbally put down emotionally broken. But time after time she kept tightening up those boot straps and diving back in. Left and right still getting her heart broken by niggas. The type of dudes got better from te first but they sure as hell didn't treat her much better than he did. then she met sweet ole kori. He came in when she was hurting. Still unsure of how to deal with pain still not wanting to stick it out and cry still longing to feel loved. Still desiring to have that man giving her the attention and compliments and love she felt she needed she jumped head and heart first. It seemed to work out in her benefit for almost 7 months. He treated her right he gave her all his Time attention love and compliments. He made her feel like a queen. He had flaws but she looked past his bc he looked past hers. He asked her to marry him she said yes. He asked her to have his babies she said yes he asked her to move where ever he did she said yes! Whatever he asked she said yes just to make sure she didn't lose that feeling of something like floating on clouds but he quickly took her up there and even quicker dropped her. Dissed her played her and didn't even say my bad or I'm sorry. He took her heart stomped on it spit on it cut it up and then had the nerve to hand it back to her and say I love u but go on living with what I did to u and wait for me! I will be back for u. What the hell? Who does that? He does ! But the only difference this time is she knows a love that is so much better. So much sweeter! Way less painful. Shoot it doesn't hurt at all. This new found love treats her so much better he treats her like the queen she is. He is loving her through and even past her hurts pain angers fears insecurities hang ups mess ups. He just cleans up whatever she even ask him for. That's her true first love. The Lord. It's hard bc he isn't physically there to hold her or to dry her tears but he is definitely touching her heart and her mind to get them prepared!