She did not know it then but her little sister Jenna waited outside her door every night,
listening for sounds of life.
Jenna hid every razor in the house so that her sister could not hurt herself anymore.
She looked up to her sister more than anything but never said a word about it.
She had to save her big sister’s life but she did not know how.
She did not know it then but once her mother told her,
she understood that leaving this planet would hurt other people.
It would hurt her little sisters and her parents and her friends.
She could not take her life; she could not let her mentality win.
She had to win so that her sister would never lose.
She did not know it then but she was destined to do great things.
She was going to learn from her little sister, learn how to help others.
She was going to learn something that Jenna never did,
learn how to voice her opinion in order to help others.
She was finally going to be brave enough to stand up and say that
hurting herself or even thinking about disappearing permanently is not the answer.
There are other ways out and there are ways to help.
She did not know it then but because she stepped outside of herself
and realized the error in her ways she had the chance to not only get herself back on track
but also to bring others along with her.
She refused to stop at just herself.
Her life has been saved but there were thousands of teenagers feeling the same way.
She did not know it then but she had very large ambitions that she would reach with flying colors.
She decided to incorporate her ideas into her Gold Award project for Girl Scouts.
The award would ensure the longevity of her message.
The award would also motivate her even further to make sure that the project succeeded.
She did not know it then but she was going to stand up in front of four health classes
and pour out her heart and soul for a cause closer to her than anything else ever has been.
It had taken a while for her to learn,
so she felt it was necessary to make it easier for others to learn.
If she had not learned then it might have been too late.
If she had not learned then she might not have spread the word and helped others.
She did not know it then because when she had the razor to her wrist
nothing but death crossed her mind.
She could not think straight and she could not ask for help
because for her there was never going to be any help.
She did not know that there was a bright future laid out for her,
one where she would be so determined to speak her mind and help everyone that she could.
A future where she would apply to college and participate in mission projects.
A future where she could have goals like interning at the United Nations or joining the Peace Corps.
A future where she would no longer just exist, she would make a difference
and even save lives in the process.
When she was planning her last night and writing goodbyes to her family
she did not know any of this.
But I know it now.