She Doesn't Love Me

I look at her

We are sweaty and I don’t smile

I don’t even want to

Then she cries

She says she is sorry for loving him

She doesn’t love me the way I love her

Then I cry because she is crying

I cry because she doesn’t love me

Why can’t she?

She loves him, but he doesn’t love her

He is cruel

He cheats

She knows this and then she cries harder because she knows this

She cries harder because I am good

but she can’t ever see me more than that

I cry harder because she is hurt

I hurt her and he hurts her

Then she turns on me and we kiss

Then we do it all over again

After, she closes the space between us this time

She still looks away

It still hurts so much

It hurts the both of us

because we know that we are hurting each other and ourselves

But then again this is our daily routine

And I will do it as long as she wants me to

because one day she might love me like she loves him

and I will always love her

But… then again I might no longer love her and she will start to love me

Then we will be hurting all over again for different reasons