She laughs, she smiles

She moves past freely, like a summer breeze;

I am suddenly small and weak and scared,

And if by chance we speak she does so with ease

Yet I am thoroughly unprepared.

She does not see, she does not know

What I worry I so plainly show.

All that wisdom and all her grace

Beauty which runs so much deeper than skin or face,

The kindness that is at the very core of who she is,

How on earth did a world so dark create

Such beautiful light as this?

Her laugh, her smile, her eyes, her warmth;

She is fresh and young in ways

I am bitter and worn.

In my dreams we share an innocent caress,

The gentlest touch, the softest breath.

Before the fleeting moment goes amiss,

With closed eyes I taste her sweetest kiss.

But then I awake and of course she is gone,

Without her seeing me at all I must always go on.

Everyday seems so long as I am both alone and lonely,

My heavy heart weighs me down and my head feels weary.

My eyes are too sunken, I am older than my years,

Yet like a child I lay in pitiful tears.

Lust and desire claw at me when I see her seeming so divine,

Oh why do I mourn the loss of what was never even mine?

Hair I may never touch, eyes I can never gaze into,

Lips I will never taste, these thoughts breaks my heart in two.

If this is love, which I believe to be,

How can it hurt this much? Fills me with joy yet it saddens me.

However, if she is happy then I shall be, is this not so?

Yet she is happy without me, and how this strikes me I do not know.

She laughs, she smiles with no need of me and this makes me cry.

Yet if that laughter were to stop, or that smile disappear, I believe I may die.