she loves me not

i can’t remember the first time i saw her

but i can remember the last.

in a hazy morning rush through crowded corridors

i saw her silhouette-

the curve of her hair against her neck

her sweet body leaning against a wall i wish i was.

i can remember the first thing i ever thought about her was

“she is so tall”

now- when we embrace she is not much taller than i am

but i always look up to her

i can’t remember the first time i spoke to her

but i can remember the last.

i told her i loved her

in a whisper- in a glance –

when our legs brushed under the table

and i didn’t pull away

delivered to her in a perfect wrapping,

crimson ribbon waiting to be undone

is my heart for her

if she has seen it- it has been pushed aside.

but with her it stays

how could anyone possibly leave a woman like her?

i could wait my whole life for someone better

and be alone still

all i ask from her is that if one day

the crimson ribbon sends her an invitation to its demise

i want her to unwrap it slowly

and hold my beating heart in the palms i crave to read

against the chest i wish to see rise and fall in the early morning light

until then

she will continue to not be mine

and to love me not

to be held by and to hold others

and i wish her the best

my crimson ribboned heart will hold together its pieces,

until the day we mend it.