She stares at the blade in her right hand
the red lines covering her legs and both arms
making it impossible to see clearly
clouded by depression, tears, and self-hatred.
She cries for her best friend, who tried to end his own life the week before.
She cries for her mother, who tried to kill herself in front of her own child's eyes
She cries for the four boys at school who took theirs.
She cries from pain, sorrow, heartbreak, disgust.
The blade shimmers as it hits the tile floor
she picks up the pills
30 of them.
she'd been refusing to take her antidepressants
what was the point anyway?
she opened the bottle
poured the little white drugs into her freshly emptied hand
grabbed the full glass of tepid water
and downed them both.
She was beginning to feel dizzy
the cuts were so deep this time
but it was worth it
all of it
just to end the pain.
She stripped down to her underwear
and climbed into the tub.
She breathed in deep
the burn was dull
but the eventual relief would be worth it.
She wanted to make sure she got it right this time
so she dumped bleach into the hot water
screaming as it burns her
crying as it seeps into her open gashes
croaking as she takes her final breaths
but as she lets go
for the first time in a long time.