"shell of me"

this isnt right.
i shouldn't be doing this.
i feel like a terrible person.
being where i am right now,
doing what i am right now,
an with whom I'm doing so.

i've corupted yet another.
another innocent, unsuspecting mind,
engaging in the one act i know to be 
the most difficult to ignore. to come back from.


something that i've been stuck in for years,
that i cant let go of.
it has itself wrapped around me so tightly that 
i find myself grasping for the life, the innocence,
the fredom, that i once had.

sometimes when i look back, prior to my days indulging.
before my commitment to this beast.
i remember what it was to be happy, to be free, to live, an to have a life
without that constant yearning inside my head.

what i wouldnt give just to know that feeling once again.
to be naieve, to feel meek, to be me, to feel like myself just one last time.

yet i wont. i cant. that person i once was no longer exsists.
that me died years ago, along with numerous memories, brain cells,
handfuls of trust an countless promises i broke,
that never stood a chance at being kept.

all that remains, insides my plea. a plea that one day ill soon be free.
that never again i return to be such an empty shell no one can see.


--corrie.
june 19th 2014