Should I go or should I stay

I push you away to see if you will stay, but in the end it never turns out that way. It's almost as if your physical body is a puppet, and your emotions think nothing of it. I always hope you will see in me what can be, but instead I'm left chasing my dreams and wondering what is wrong with me that I can't see. Am I ugly, or battered, or broken inside? Or do you just not want this to be for the long ride? Every night I lay awake, hold myself and can't help but think. Will this ever change or should I just lose faith?