I experimented with shrooms to uncover hidden truths
Or maybe lies that I have taken to heart.
I found ramblings from a hardened soul and a headache the next day.
I could have bypassed the headache.
All I had to do was sit with myself and feel.
Feel how often I hold back tears and what I really wanted to say.
Feel how often I lie to those close to me because it is so much easier than letting them know me.
Feel that I cannot handle this life sometimes.
Feel that even when surrounded by people I feel alone
Feel that my emotions are normal and I am not better or worse than anyone else.
All I had to do was look at myself in the mirror, past the superficial layer to see.
See that I am not always kind to myself
See that I have not let go of my past.
See that I am not sure how to forgive, because I work so hard on trying to forget.
I force so many things that do not fit
I mimic how others have healed themselves
Because I too want to transcend myself to a better place.
I have done this for 22 years now
I’m beginning to realize that I do not heal the same as you
I guess that is what is so frustrating.
Still I must stay here
Working, trying, falling, breathing, feeling
So I do not forget that I am worthy and powerful.
Shrooms will not bring me closer to what I am searching for.
That is my job