Shrooms

I experimented with shrooms to uncover hidden truths

Or maybe lies that I have taken to heart.

I found ramblings from a hardened soul and a headache the next day.

I could have bypassed the headache.

All I had to do was sit with myself and feel.

Feel how often I hold back tears and what I really wanted to say.

Feel how often I lie to those close to me because it is so much easier than letting them know me.

Feel that I cannot handle this life sometimes.

Feel that even when surrounded by people I feel alone

Feel that my emotions are normal and I am not better or worse than anyone else.

All I had to do was look at myself in the mirror, past the superficial layer to see.

See that I am not always kind to myself

See that I have not let go of my past.

See that I am not sure how to forgive, because I work so hard on trying to forget.

I force so many things that do not fit

I mimic how others have healed themselves

Because I too want to transcend myself to a better place.

I have done this for 22 years now

I’m beginning to realize that I do not heal the same as you

I guess that is what is so frustrating.

Still I must stay here

Working, trying, falling, breathing, feeling

So I do not forget that I am worthy and powerful.

Shrooms will not bring me closer to what I am searching for.

That is my job