Shuck-Lily cuts herself and, by God,
I'm back in love again,
This is not my responsibility,
So why am I tending to you like an animal?
She puts me away, like a vacuum cleaner,
Until I'm convenient,
Why do I let her do this?
Because I'm scared she'll up and die if I leave her alone?
Black lipstick stains my id and I feel so unclean,
She whips it out,
And what am I to do but return the favor?
I ask every single God alive, "Am I afraid of myself?".
She wants attention but, also leave her alone,
Pick up the god-damn phone,
And now she loves me and it's all my fault,
But I love her too so I must be cheating.
I told you no a hundred times, but I guess,
You didn't believe me.
And it's just too much,
And I've had enough and now, I'm leaving,
She bats her pretty eyes and calls me a cunt,
Tells me to fucking die,
And brings me flowers for a week,
And it's just so exhausting. Was I not good enough just being your friend?
You're not my type; I'm straight; I just got raped;
But you don't understand,
And formulate 100 excuses,
Eventually I caved and it went exactly as I knew it would,
Now she's depressed and on top of the world,
And I just stare in disbelief,
I told you so, now we don't talk,
Not the way we used to and it's all my fault.
That's what she thinks,
I'm a doormat, that is why,
I apparently broke it off for no reason,
So I guess I'm Satan for feeling down,
Because my girl wants to slash
Her wrists at 3:00 AM,
Then, be angry I won't pick up a call,
I have problems too, but you shut me down,
No one is allowed to grieve except for you,
My trauma is a joke,
And you just don't see the point in crying,
It's been 6 months, I should be over it by now.
So I left her, and I'm ashamed,
Because I love her,
As I sit here, thinking of her,
Hoping that somewhere she's lying in bed feeling okay.