Siblings - "Second Mother"

Siblings, To all 6 siblings. 3 sisters, 3 brothers. Growing up with all of it was crazy. Being the oldest, watching all of you, put much strain on me. Having to help get you guys dressed in the morning, making sure dinner was eaten, making sure homework was done, made me feel like the second mother. With you guys being more comfortable confiding in me, more comfortable asking me for help, made me feel important. While I enjoy being the person to talk to and find comfort from, There is much responsibility and burden. With every decision I make during school, work, friends, and family, It had to revolve around you all. Having to worry about whether my decision would affect, felt scary and daunting. My whole life spent making decisions to not be a burden, and to not affected you all badly and made me feel resentment over the years. Worrying, over-worrying, made it difficult to make decisions for myself. Wanting to be a good role model, wanting to show the good sides of myself, felt exhausting. Wishing I could've made different decisions for myself, wishing that I had focused on myself, came into my head numerous times. But looking through memories and photos, it made me feel even more proud to see how far each one of you has gone. Seeing you grow, seeing you be your own person, made me feel proud of what I was part of. While I made many decisions and prioritized you all, I still wouldn't change anything. There are many memories I cherish. Being your "second mom" has been a journey.