Sick...

Hi, My name’s Alyssa And I’m an addict… And like so many others, I’ve watched The smoky hot Breath Of death, Pass me by, Smelled the end Just miss me, For no reason, Demise, Gave grave glares Into my eyes And tried, To turn them hollow Black, I felt the whiplash crack Of fate Slash my back, So deep, I had to sleep, I’ve been lucky. ​ See I was once worlds away From these buckled knees You see on stage, Caged In my own head Behind iron bars of rage The roller coaster of my life, Had no track, My pool, Was all tidal waves and deep end, I couldn’t depend On myself To feed myself, Needed a shot to jumpstart my heart And just be myself, A circle I could never break, And matter of fact That roller coaster did have a track, But it was all flat, And just went round and round Like that... I’ve watched so many souls Fall victim to the grips of addiction Hopeless, Fantasizing empty promises Like, Climbing a never-ending ladder to nowhere, Like Thinking other people Were building their castles On your self-esteem, When no one can hurt you Unless you’re hurting yourself, Letting them penetrate your skin, Fill voids with enough poison To go round, The foundation of the devil’s playground, That, Jungle gym of junk I hid in, To smoke my weed in instead of play on.., And when for some “game on”, Meant football, Or tag, For me it meant another bag Barrel to shaky lips, Medicating pain, Leading to sleeping With lames Hungry, Selling my self-esteem like old shirts in thrift shops, I was evil..... So this is for those still fighting, Those deciding They are sick of being sick, Living fix to fix On clouds of bliss, There is hope, There is hope and there is help, But the desire to truly want it, That voice so low, Crying desperately Deep in the pit of your gut For change Must be a want or you'll never get it... You must be desperate to get this, I’m not fully there yet, And may never be, But I know my destiny Is telling me, That there's a way out, And I’ve screamed at the top of my lungs for this Without being heard, Cried oceans, Hit rubber walls till it hurt, Shaken fists And climbed from the slippery pits Of my own digging, Cuz I was dying, needles spin my webs I spin.. And sometimes, I’m tired, And sometimes, I’m scared, And sometimes, Everything is wrong, Nothing feels good, The light at the end of a tunnel, Is a "No Exit" sign, There's no redemption for my efforts, And skies are falling And eyes are bawling, And I get on my knees to pray but I don’t know how.... And I find myself crawling, And sometimes, It’s hard, I had to reopen scars I swore I’d never touch, I was raped and torchered when I was 12 that's why I don't care... That were buried under mountains of hardened shit But the Trama needs to be delt with Because revealing, Is healing, And I’m sick… So sick of being crushed, So sick of Wandering deserts with a broken compass I’ve done this Far too long, And I’m sick of the, Insanity, Sick of being told, I cannot be Something,I'm gonna be a cop I'm smarter than you might think.. Sick of hurting everyone Who showed me A wink of affection, Word of direction, Or mirror reflection Of myself… I’m sick, And I want change…. It's time..