Sick

i feel sick. sick from the hurt from the pain from the hate i want to feel, but cannot. sick from the hole in my heart from the helplessness from the power you have over me sick to my stomach when i see your face sick from how you are treating me sick from the anger. anger, but not hate. sick because i cant hate you no matter how hard i try no matter how you treat me no matter how mean you are it makes the pain worse it makes it hurt more but it doesnt make me hate you i just feel sick sick because i want to deny i ever loved you sick because i still do despite what you’ve done sick because i dont want to sick tired exhausted of loving you sick because im fed up with the tears but i can’t escape them cant escape the feeling that i’m just another disappointment that i’m unlovable that i wasnt good enough that i’ll never be good enough or pretty enough that it was my fault that i’m the guilty one because i loved you sick because you know me so well you know how to make me upset you know what to do to make me hurt and youre doing a damn good job of it sick from the silence sick because i want to scream sick because i feel lost and alone sick because you said you’d never abandon me and yet here I am. and where are you? sick because of all the broken promises sick because i feel empty abandoned helpless powerless discarded defeated broken ugly alone angry confused let down manipulated played used hurt sick.